i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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