quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
