my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
