Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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