I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i drank out of a bidet.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Randomize
