talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
