FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
