Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
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i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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