we're blogging at a bar
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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