That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
