Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
