i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just found a bag of teeth...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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