He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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