omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Actions speak louder than pants.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
