Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
