You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
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after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
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Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize