dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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