i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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