i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
