she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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