this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
