watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
