saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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