I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
