That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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