You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
