Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
