My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
