Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
