Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.