god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.