I need to stop coming to work sober
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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