Texts From Last Night

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  (954): View more from Florida

  Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer

  (1-954): View more from Florida

  That Cesar Milan is captivating

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  (954): Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer (1-954): That Cesar Milan is captivating http://tfl.nu/iuqa
  Replies (4) Good night (1836) Bad night (728)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.

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  (570): We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine. http://tfl.nu/j4ko
  Replies (7) Good night (831) Bad night (1769)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."

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  (248): Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching." http://tfl.nu/eoit
  Replies (59) Good night (1066) Bad night (3270)
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  (310): View more from California

  So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.

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  (310): So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he. http://tfl.nu/52vb
  Replies (51) Good night (15250) Bad night (2496)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.

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  (425): I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me. http://tfl.nu/cm8t
  Replies (19) Good night (3816) Bad night (1014)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?

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  (651): I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl? http://tfl.nu/nlrb
  Replies (38) Good night (6674) Bad night (1717)
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  (830): View more from Texas

  Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas

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  (830): Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas http://tfl.nu/3mgi
  Replies (9) Good night (1002) Bad night (2941)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism

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  (901): No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism http://tfl.nu/00o3
  Replies (4) Good night (2910) Bad night (729)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.

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  (705): Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M. http://tfl.nu/1ch5
  Replies (2) Good night (1725) Bad night (992)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.

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  (612): I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies. http://tfl.nu/bycy
  Replies (5) Good night (2069) Bad night (959)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...

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  (203): he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first... http://tfl.nu/kho5
  Replies (3) Good night (1670) Bad night (772)
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  (949): View more from California

  how did we start talking about space blow jobs?

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  (949): how did we start talking about space blow jobs? http://tfl.nu/0fha
  Replies (14) Good night (1712) Bad night (560)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.

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  (601): No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911. http://tfl.nu/s9ui
  Replies (8) Good night (1777) Bad night (652)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...

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  (314): He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on. (636): Sounds like he's doing this for your own good... http://tfl.nu/dn1j
  Replies (3) Good night (1621) Bad night (499)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!

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  (210): He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!! http://tfl.nu/ekhg
  Replies (1) Good night (476) Bad night (291)

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