he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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