New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
