and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
