Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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