ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
