I think I died a long time ago.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My ATM looks so different sober.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
