We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
