I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
