Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
