We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
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You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
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Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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