yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Randomize
