kristin has been a bad kristin
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later