I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.