He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Randomize
