Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
