Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
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Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
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you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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