do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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