You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Of course I have a pirate flag
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
