Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life