I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.