I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
