already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
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