It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
