my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
