Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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