Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
