So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
