It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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