I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.