I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Send us your Text From Last Night!
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus