the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
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So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
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ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
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trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine