Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...