She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.