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    (979): View more from Texas

    I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar

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    Replies (53) Good night (3800) Bad night (722) Order T-Shirt
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    (845): View more from New York

    Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.

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    Replies (24) Good night (2606) Bad night (914) Order T-Shirt
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    (904): View more from Florida

    How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.

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    Replies (17) Good night (472) Bad night (2906) Order T-Shirt
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    (478): View more from Georgia

    I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?

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    Replies (23) Good night (3353) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
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    (847): View more from Illinois

    Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.

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    Replies (35) Good night (1290) Bad night (2694) Order T-Shirt
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    (706): View more from Georgia

    so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess

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    Replies (88) Good night (675) Bad night (5341) Order T-Shirt
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    (954): View more from Florida

    Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.

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    Replies (21) Good night (574) Bad night (3727) Order T-Shirt
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    (541): View more from Oregon

    She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.

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    Replies (12) Good night (429) Bad night (2706) Order T-Shirt
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    (203): View more from Connecticut

    have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj

    (1-203): View more from Connecticut

    omg every time its on

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    Replies (25) Good night (2970) Bad night (984) Order T-Shirt
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    (423): View more from Tennessee

    By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.

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    Replies (7) Good night (676) Bad night (2095) Order T-Shirt
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    (847): View more from Illinois

    You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.

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    Replies (13) Good night (1709) Bad night (2994) Order T-Shirt
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    (540): View more from Virginia

    woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft

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    Replies (26) Good night (936) Bad night (4459) Order T-Shirt
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    (713): View more from Texas

    I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?

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    Replies (78) Good night (636) Bad night (2890) Order T-Shirt
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    (585): View more from New York

    Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.

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    Replies (40) Good night (1492) Bad night (1775) Order T-Shirt
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    (405): View more from Oklahoma

    Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore

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    Replies (27) Good night (419) Bad night (3175) Order T-Shirt
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  • (859): The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow http://t.co/sQOeFAaf
  • (270): him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
  • (627): The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
  • (402): Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
  • (724): A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
  • (303): Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.

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