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    (610): View more from Pennsylvania

    he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.

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    Replies (241) Good night (822) Bad night (3256) Order T-Shirt
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    (334): View more from Alabama

    i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'

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    Replies (51) Good night (2771) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
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    (502): View more from Kentucky

    so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...

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    Replies (48) Good night (1191) Bad night (5834) Order T-Shirt
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    (402): View more from Nebraska

    i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty

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    Replies (95) Good night (3048) Bad night (947) Order T-Shirt
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    (561): View more from Florida

    he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.

    (1-561): View more from Florida

    you for real need to get over him dude

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    Replies (52) Good night (897) Bad night (3148)
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    (805): View more from California

    Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...

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    Replies (36) Good night (1171) Bad night (3466) Order T-Shirt
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    (240): View more from Maryland

    EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.

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    Replies (21) Good night (3136) Bad night (871)
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    (616): View more from Michigan

    who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss

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    Replies (43) Good night (9262) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
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    (319): View more from Iowa

    I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles

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    Replies (7) Good night (2587) Bad night (448) Order T-Shirt
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    (731): View more from Tennessee

    Maybe she gives good head

    (615): View more from Tennessee

    A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head

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    Replies (44) Good night (682) Bad night (3647)
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    (802): View more from Vermont

    I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."

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    Replies (60) Good night (5054) Bad night (864) Order T-Shirt
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    (503): View more from Oregon

    It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.

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    Replies (32) Good night (504) Bad night (3247) Order T-Shirt
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    (732): View more from New Jersey

    ice luge is my downfall...

    (1-732): View more from New Jersey

    ...u mean upfall.

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    Replies (11) Good night (2048) Bad night (424) Order T-Shirt
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    (352): View more from Florida

    Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.

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    Replies (36) Good night (4504) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
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    (847): View more from Illinois

    So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be

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    Replies (209) Good night (19618) Bad night (882)
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  • (859): The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow http://t.co/sQOeFAaf
  • (270): him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
  • (627): The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
  • (402): Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
  • (724): A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
  • (303): Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.

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