He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario