Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
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Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
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ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
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Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.