i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
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Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.