I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
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Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.