Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
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while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
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he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
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was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.