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    (901): View more from Tennessee

    All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.

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    Replies (29) Good night (5302) Bad night (655) Order T-Shirt
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    (773): View more from Illinois

    So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.

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    Replies (29) Good night (681) Bad night (2737) Order T-Shirt
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    (617): View more from Massachusetts

    i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours

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    Replies (34) Good night (2410) Bad night (2428) Order T-Shirt
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    (425): View more from Washington

    he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.

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    Replies (23) Good night (712) Bad night (5087) Order T-Shirt
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    (347): View more from New York

    We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job

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    Replies (18) Good night (574) Bad night (4260) Order T-Shirt
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    (701): View more from North Dakota

    Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?

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    Replies (17) Good night (4653) Bad night (807) Order T-Shirt
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    (503): View more from Oregon

    I peed while puking? Even better

    (1-503): View more from Oregon

    Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are

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    Replies (23) Good night (2769) Bad night (859) Order T-Shirt
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    (303): View more from Colorado

    i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass

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    Replies (76) Good night (622) Bad night (4845) Order T-Shirt
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    (732): View more from New Jersey

    you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"

    (1-732): View more from New Jersey

    did i?

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    Replies (33) Good night (7581) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
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    (262): View more from Wisconsin

    Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!

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    Replies (55) Good night (3753) Bad night (920) Order T-Shirt
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    (210): View more from Texas

    I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.

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    Replies (53) Good night (6203) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
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    (410): View more from Maryland

    It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.

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    Replies (44) Good night (3453) Bad night (1737) Order T-Shirt
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    (585): View more from New York

    i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW

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    Replies (48) Good night (515) Bad night (3702) Order T-Shirt
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    (850): View more from Florida

    Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?

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    Replies (71) Good night (520) Bad night (3679) Order T-Shirt
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    (708): View more from Illinois

    you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend

    (1-708): View more from Illinois

    why?

    (708): View more from Illinois

    so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.

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    Replies (163) Good night (3378) Bad night (1053)
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  • (859): The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow http://t.co/sQOeFAaf
  • (270): him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
  • (627): The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
  • (402): Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
  • (724): A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
  • (303): Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.

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