I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I hate ducks.
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.