I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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