I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE