Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
