i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.