I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
