I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am