Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
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Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
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Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day