I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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