Texts From Last Night

ohmagod's Favorites Texts:

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  (817): View more from Texas

  i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side

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  (817): i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side http://tfl.nu/uejy
  Replies (54) Good night (9613) Bad night (1359) Order T-Shirt
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  (916): View more from California

  come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.

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  (916): come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too. http://tfl.nu/xgxr
  Replies (8) Good night (3857) Bad night (559) Order T-Shirt
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.

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  (201): they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne. http://tfl.nu/0coi
  Replies (22) Good night (3928) Bad night (1965) Order T-Shirt
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.

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  (908): so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie. http://tfl.nu/eug9
  Replies (19) Good night (5402) Bad night (1406) Order T-Shirt
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.

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  (480): This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner. http://tfl.nu/bzec
  Replies (9) Good night (3719) Bad night (602) Order T-Shirt
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  (281): View more from Texas

  i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.

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  (281): i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night. http://tfl.nu/0cve
  Replies (71) Good night (1136) Bad night (5938) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card

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  (518): and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card http://tfl.nu/bprl
  Replies (30) Good night (1994) Bad night (7470)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?

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  (631): I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful? http://tfl.nu/fnv5
  Replies (21) Good night (530) Bad night (5483) Order T-Shirt
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.

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  (623): Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough. http://tfl.nu/yln2
  Replies (120) Good night (7732) Bad night (946) Order T-Shirt
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  (914): View more from New York

  i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same

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  (914): i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same http://tfl.nu/tcqj
  Replies (39) Good night (816) Bad night (5301) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.

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  (214): A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot. http://tfl.nu/a1lj
  Replies (64) Good night (26337) Bad night (1504) Order T-Shirt
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  (425): View more from Washington

  her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.

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  (425): her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle. http://tfl.nu/baj8
  Replies (52) Good night (1887) Bad night (7377) Order T-Shirt
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.

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  (864): Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common. http://tfl.nu/z1qj
  Replies (7) Good night (493) Bad night (3100) Order T-Shirt
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.

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  (870): Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds. http://tfl.nu/xv3v
  Replies (30) Good night (3636) Bad night (1091) Order T-Shirt
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  (509): View more from Washington

  She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after

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  (509): She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after http://tfl.nu/tns7
  Replies (38) Good night (13934) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Redeem this text for a blowjob

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  (507): Redeem this text for a blowjob http://tfl.nu/3lns
  Replies (44) Good night (17939) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.

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  (734): i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants. http://tfl.nu/trrn
  Replies (87) Good night (1388) Bad night (19457)