We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
