Texts From Last Night

mpb's Favorites Texts:

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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.

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  (715): You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison. http://tfl.nu/kcq5
  Replies (23) Good night (1601) Bad night (4660) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.

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  (630): She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend. http://tfl.nu/zf6u
  Replies (14) Good night (5111) Bad night (845) Order T-Shirt
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night

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  (302): I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night http://tfl.nu/y9ju
  Replies (23) Good night (6597) Bad night (1780) Order T-Shirt
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator

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  (781): the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator http://tfl.nu/8mwn
  Replies (32) Good night (11798) Bad night (1041) Order T-Shirt
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  (561): View more from Florida

  hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger

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  (561): hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger http://tfl.nu/hhlu
  Replies (18) Good night (3616) Bad night (949) Order T-Shirt
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.

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  (204): Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever. http://tfl.nu/wklp
  Replies (28) Good night (5481) Bad night (1375) Order T-Shirt
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser

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  (336): I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser http://tfl.nu/rv8v
  Replies (5) Good night (3542) Bad night (1128)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.

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  (201): Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable. http://tfl.nu/oy8s
  Replies (27) Good night (5263) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.

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  (717): I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian. http://tfl.nu/9yc5
  Replies (49) Good night (5077) Bad night (1705) Order T-Shirt
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre

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  (316): when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre http://tfl.nu/3hgx
  Replies (20) Good night (6895) Bad night (1382)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.

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  (202): She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified. http://tfl.nu/adq0
  Replies (14) Good night (1367) Bad night (5379)
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  (716): View more from New York

  she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.

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  (716): she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless. http://tfl.nu/eill
  Replies (29) Good night (6353) Bad night (1046) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?

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  (651): Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag? http://tfl.nu/dgvl
  Replies (16) Good night (1149) Bad night (3163) Order T-Shirt
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic

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  (317): The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic http://tfl.nu/lvdi
  Replies (17) Good night (15722) Bad night (1107)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.

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  (206): I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before. http://tfl.nu/t0my
  Replies (21) Good night (875) Bad night (5782) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.

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  (513): After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God. http://tfl.nu/onhi
  Replies (16) Good night (3064) Bad night (1398) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.

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  (206): i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual. http://tfl.nu/myfw
  Replies (23) Good night (5583) Bad night (1690) Order T-Shirt
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast

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  (306): coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast http://tfl.nu/g654
  Replies (19) Good night (4922) Bad night (856) Order T-Shirt
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech

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  (905): Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech http://tfl.nu/je9d
  Replies (19) Good night (3930) Bad night (1612) Order T-Shirt
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five

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  (260): Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five http://tfl.nu/catf
  Replies (44) Good night (2895) Bad night (7750) Order T-Shirt