Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
