does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"