note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
